Yo dont text me then not text me
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
I love my life sometimes. I do miss being an adult, from time to time, but a little vodka always changes my mind.
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Besides the kids on acid... I was the highest kid there
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
