I have taken lazynest to a new level. I took a picture of the notes on the board instead of writing them. I win.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
I never thought your mom would see me throwing up on my hands and knees in your front yard
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Babe, Have you see my pants?
Try Jay street in Brooklyn.. that's where I last remember seeing them.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Is it wrong that I have to schedule a family Sunday brunch around my mom's weekly banging of my stepdad. And why do I even know this??
Randomize
