I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
i wanted to go smoke pot, so i told my mom i was getting tutored. she asked what time i would be back, i told her learning doesn't have a curfew
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
Stoned. Scared. Bring pool noodle and onion rings.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
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