Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
We had sex and then I offered him a cookie...while he was still inside of me. Basically he's in love
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
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