Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
My fridge is empty and all of my food is in the bathtub. Just.. Why?
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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