I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
My girl came home. i was jacking off on the couch and she just starts telling me about her day, as if im not half naked with my hand on my cock.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
Drinking a grey goose and water in a random chair that I found by the road by myself
So there's that.
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
She's blowing me while I'm watching air jaws. I love shark week.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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