Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
thought so. i woke up and he was playing with my eyeliner. I MAKE GREAT CHOICES.
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so i was sitting on this guys lap, and we were flirting and everything right..well his phone kept ringing, turns out it was his pregnant wife...she had gone into labor..
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
It was a legit night tell he threw a snowball in the bar, thats when I knew it was time to go to the next bar.
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Randomize