I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
I passed out in the stadium during the 4th quarter and you guys just left me there?
Yea, but we put money for a cab in your pocket.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
Yes, he made a MIX CD for our booty call...
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
I was in a competition with shots tonight...shots won.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
It was an entirely appropriate time and place for sexual thoughts.
That doesn't make it ok to play by play me your honeymoon!
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
Randomize
