after a few more beers I realized that both my wife and I like Latin men.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
We're getting a bucket of chicken and screwing around, so no, you can't join us.
Randomize
