so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
i have yet to find a random guy that would make me want to do any position besides missionary, these are what normal people call "applying standards"
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
Just wandered into a surprise final. Only a surprise for me though. I wish I could say this is the first time this has happened.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
Also, no joke, I think that raccoon hair is still in my eye from last night.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
dude, i told you to rally, so you sprinted upstairs, knocked some girl down, and without missing a beat said, "not now bitch, im in the fucking zone" and took off
Randomize
