Just found out my brother beats off to Lauren Conrad. the Hills will never be the same.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
What I thought it would be sexy pouring melted chocolate down here chest, ended up in second degree burns. Hot food and sex do not mix.
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
it wasnt a pity fuck per say. i wasnt attracted to her, but still thought 'that looks like a fun ride'
Just keep my face away from hard objects. And by that I do not mean erect penised.... those are totally fine. It's more just things like rocks, table edges, blunt objects, etc so I don't get another concussion.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
