I may have told her we're dating for a handjob, Fake tits are overrated.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
You walked around in your costume going up to every guy saying "I'm a squirrel, give me your nuts"
Don’t say some truly stupid shit like that to me. In a kitchen. Where the knives are kept
Randomize
