I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
He lets me throw up in him even if i do it mistakeily- erica talking about the toilet
Thanks for making me watch you dance provacatively by yourself in the bathroom so you could see if you looked fat.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I'm killing it this week, I've peed my pants and put my vibrator into the washing machine.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
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