Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Goats are brash and offensive and cocky animals
Are you high and at a petting zoo again?
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
At some point, I’d like to pretend that his penis is a popsicle.
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