is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
I wish there was a hungover fairy to brush my teeth and bring me a diet coke.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
