I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
But see that's the thing. I know i'm better looking than you, I just want you to be continually in a state of shock and awe that you could ever get a girlfriend this hot. You know?
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
After all this I still can't spell gonorrhoea without autocorrect
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
Randomize
