I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
plans for tonight: dress up like pirates, drink a bottle of mad dog and watch the sorostitues across the street get naked. and yes, the mad dog part is already in play. hurry the fuck up. i look like a loser doing this alone.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
it was one of those movies netflix should have sent weed with
Just saw some guy puking out of the dorm window, its for sure monday
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
It was great. He never spoke.
That's not why it was great, just that's all I remember.
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
