he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
I gargles a mimosa for breakfast. It's gonna be a killer Monday.
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
Randomize
