he promised me brunch in the morning so i felt like it was ok....i really need to get a job.
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
i need a wealthy benefactor or a cocktail job. or to start stripping. or kill myself. whatever.
the trash is collected at 5:50 on mondays. i was up puking all night and heard them
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
no real plans this weekend. trying to derail the alcohol induced fucking hell train I've been riding for the past three weeks.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
