Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
He looked at my vag and said "you have a nice situation down there. Good work"
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
