I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
I gave you the craziest sex experiences of your life, the least you could do is let me keep the sweater.
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
MDMA, margaritas, mashed potatoes and ice cream aren't keto Kristin
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
