I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
It took him longer to remove his skinny jeans than it did for him to finish. I didn't even have time to realize it sucked until it was already over.
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
The air was thick with penises
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
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