just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
I just found a beer pong ball in my mail box. I think its a sign
three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
I've been on this train for an hour and this women has been on the phone and all she's said is "guuurrrrrlllll, gurl, gurl." I may commit suicide.
Hmmm. I never knew the difference. I've done either one and had stronger or weaker versions but usually if i took enough, i tripped balls. That should be a PSA for kids... if you take drugs and the drugs are weak, just take more drugs... The More You Know
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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