So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
u r missing out we r watching a tranny direct traffic in a gstring
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
