we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Her cooch smelled like a combination of bacon and sweat.
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Trumps. I've been wiping my ass with fast food napkins for 3 days.
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
My vagina just clenched in fear
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
i just read a article called "Booze, Drugs, and Bipolar Disorder"... i think someone is writing the memoirs of my life
Randomize
