sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
Just saw the guy with the plastic bag on his head riding his bike again...
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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