So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
