Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
Randomize
