I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
With great liquor, comes great irresponsibility. Remind me of this night tomorrow.
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
