I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
well I washed the adderal like an idiot. the capsules broke but the beads inside were intact. so my landlady came in and caught me licking the dryer lint screen
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Mixing coffee with vodka may have been a bad choice, I feel like I'm pregnant and the baby is trying to perform a c-section from the inside.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I appreciate the I'll come bail you out of jail tone in the text
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
Randomize
