I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Seriously. All i can say is im covered in mud, my jaw hurts, i cannot straighten my arm, egg is everywhere, and there is a dead squirrel.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Knowing there are different types of spiders in different countries and regions makes me never want to travel.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
Randomize
