Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
apparently i was offering everyone ambien and shouting, it's only like heath ledger if you want it to be!
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
My mom is wearing Ed Hardy. There aren't words.
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
Your dress got me laid by one of Obama's Secret Service members. Patriotic duty, check.
to drive Frat boys away, one just needs to cat-call at them. It makes their masculinity weaker, and yours stronger.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
Randomize
