I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
and I'm sitting five inches from the tv scrunched up in a ball watching doug. It's like I'm five again...except I'm more stoned than the dude who created this show
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
How about we just have a naked taco night instead?
She's cool and all but if she eats my food again I'm gonna fucking drop kick her ass. No one touches my lunchables. NO ONE.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
Randomize
