hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
Why is your signature on my underwear?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Do you think you could cook pancakes while i blow you?
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize