But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
She looked like Sean Connery with cleft lip. So to answer your question, yes I put it in her butt.
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
theres a wall by my room thats like, a prime fucking wall. before i move out SOMEBODY is gonna fuck me on that wall, goddamnit.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
