i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
I am unfriending an ex-one night stand because his profile picture is of his wife's ultrasound.
Handjob with gloves on results in friction burn. In case you've ever wondered
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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DUDE. HOLY FUCK MY PRINCIPAL WAS JUST MY UBER DRIVER. I AM LITERALLY TRAUMATIZED. ANS DRUNK. HOLY FUCK OMG
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
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