i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
I woke up at 5 this morning face down on my bed with gummy bears stuffed in my leggings. Yeah.
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm more heavily invested in that tequila than you are
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Randomize
