please say your awake. the girl i brought home last night...any idea on a name? she isnt up yet...
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
If you bring chipotle to my house i'll let you eat your burrito out of my vagina
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
I'm glad our friendship can withstand laughing mid-blowjob during the diarrhea scene in Dumb & Dumber.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
