That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
