Being hungover naked and coloring my hair. I guess I am not naked I have black latex gloves on. Give me a call.
im coming over.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Look, as flattering as it is, I'm getting a little tired of being everyone's go-to girl for a threesome.
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
of course the one day I come to class high we have guest speakers from the police department... Just my luck
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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