I'm skeptical of all drag queens.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
He told me he loved me mid lick. Anyone that can look at me from that angle, lick my vagina, and say they love me must absolutely mean it
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
If you've ever wondered what a shitshow is, just watch me at the bar on a Friday. Or Tuesday. Take your pick.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
