so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Apparently at 2 AM I decided to let the world know about my newfound love for elephants
I knew us throwing ourselves at him back in the day would pay off. I'm gonna b a divorcees rebound. Score!
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
Randomize
