I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
Hefty paycheck and not get wasted can't exist in the same night
It's called the eyeliner-blowjob correlation, read a science book bro
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
Two really nice girls helped clean the taco out of my hair.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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