I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
Oh my god I forgot there were Band-Aids on my nipples
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
She asked if i could guess "what shape her carpet was". I got it wrong (christmas tree).
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
I'm not allowed back because I may or may not have insulted his beer. And the entire Czech Republic.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
