the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
She carries a brick in her purse. I wouldn't get in a fight with her
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
So I just went to clothing optional bar
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
