i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
IT'S A HOLY FESTIVAL. A BUDDHIST CELEBRATION OF PENIS.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
Randomize
