just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
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