i just woke up to that girl in my doorway. I kid you not. Tan and lime green thong on. peeing on the carpet in the hallway. Then she collapsed. There is a load of towels in the wash. Just thought you should know when you wake up. Gross.
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
You force fed me chocolate chips and avocados for 3 hours and kept asking me about my trip to sweden when I was 4.
Party Liz is going to have to have her wings clipped until someone gets me some baby reins to wear
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Can't even walk I haven't tried talking but I probably can't do that either
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
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