I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
you were crying because peter frampton wasnt your dad
I will never underestimate my ability to drunken ramble. At one point last night i think i was talking about hieroglyphics
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
Within 24 hours, I went to a feminist documentary screening with two state reps and you hate fucked a rent-a-cop on the helipad of your hospital. Somewhere our lives went in different directions.
I still make more money.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Most of my life can be described like an HBO prison drama.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize
