True true and the only thing that will burn more than the vodka we will consume is the shame in our loved one's eyes
And yet we make it a tradition to get inappropriately drunk at family functions. We amaze me.
At least it's not a funeral this time... I feel we're making improvements.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
okay. well, yeah. i'm a mess and a half. this shit is not what dumbledore died for.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
He had to put his grandma's photo away before I tied him to the bed. She doesn't need to see any of that.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
If I wasn't planning on spend the rest of my life with you I wouldn't send you so many nudes, so fucking appreciate it
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I just washed down my antidepressant with some pineapple wine. I'm the picture of mental health this holiday season
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