she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I'm listening to Michael Jackson while drinking vodka, alone. Honestly, l wish I could Moonwalk my way back to when I knew wtf was going on in my life.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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