Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
I don't think casual Fridays means I can go to work with dried cum in my hair...
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
I just power puked in the office bathroom.. blew blood vessels in my eyes and now I'm ready for a donut.... success
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Last night I ate a candle out of a strippers ass.... I guess it was an okay night.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
