I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I just woke up at my desk with "To Whommmmmmmmm" typed on a letter. I have no memory of waking up, getting dressed or driving in.
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
He? As in you personified your dick?
Concept: I never actually flirt with anyone, I'm just a bitch and some people find it endearing
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Randomize
