All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
I'm not crazy, I only keep calling you cause you won't pick up.
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
just because you are in college doesnt mean its okay to pregame easter mass.
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
just got the results back. i love his dick even more now i know its clean
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
Do you ever just feel like you can feel hormones radiating from your uterus?
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
Appearently I went across the hall last night demanding to ride my neighbors moose... How much did I drink?
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Randomize