You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
I think a used vibrator from amazon.com is a great valentines day gift foe my ex.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Randomize
