Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
Please send me a thumbs up pic afterwards. No homo. After you've redressed and are heading for the walk of shame out of course
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
I should be free tonight unless my 5 speed vibrator arrives in the mail today, than we might have scheduling conflicts.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Last night I recall my hair going up in flames. This is evident by the burnt hair smell that is following me around this morning
The creeper at the bar just realized we have the same birthday and bought me four beers already. He walked off so I took his change and dashed, i'm bringing the case over now.
Randomize
