seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm not a creep or anything, just a lost soul looking for a good lay
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
A total of 95 cents was stuck to my ass the next morning.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
i also remember watching someone vomit off a balcony which was kind of grim
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Ok well my life just seems more exciting by default because I'm dating my married boss and sexting with my ex
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
