Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
We're lucky we aren't prostitutes by now. Whats the etiquette for returning a pair of heels with blood on them?
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
I just googled, "how to do boob makeup" thats the kind of night I wanna have.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Randomize
