He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
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