She told me I was starting to look like a mermaid with herpes and I needed to stop it.
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I have to have sex with him again. I feel like I need to train him so no other girl experiences that bad of sex.
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
I am not saying having unprotected sex in my boss' pool was a good idea, I am just saying it wasn't my worst idea of the summer.
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I hope I didn’t eat too many edibles just now. I got shit to do today. Like make Jell-O shots and take a shower.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
He had me sit on his face until I begged him to stop, then held me there 5 minutes longer. I rested my head on his chest, told him I needed time to recover....and slept for 6 hours. By the time I woke, he was already at work. I just sent him a countdown times until his shift is over.
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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