so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Randomize
