Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
pretty sure I just got a "sorry I have a new boyfriend" blow job. Confused, but totally ok with it.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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