you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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