My brain says no but my pants say off.
Theres someone in the car behind me eating corn on the cob & talking on the phone
rather than putting your name in guys phones, you just texted 90999 to donate $10 to Haiti and then gave it back to them
mondays should just be called national damage control day
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
My girlfriend is pregnant with her exs baby. 2014 just became the worst year
Its official, kitchen-couch is my favorite.
You passed out again didn't you?
its likely that this occurred.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
Randomize
